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Somebody
has yet to fill in these "important" gaps in
the bodybuilding product world. Enjoy a humorous look at
products that will probably never grace any store shelves
but really should.
If
you've been training for any length of time, you know there
are certain shortcomings in the products that are available
at the moment. The following is a list of products that I
think someone someone should invent. I think a person could
make a million dollars with these ideas!
1.
The Gasless Protein Shake |
If you're
familiar with the gastric rumblings that occur soon after taking a
big protein shake, you know how popular this item would be. It will
also keep those pesky Environmental Protection Agency people off
your back with their "industrial emissions violation"
warnings.
2. Bench
Press Air Bag Shirt
For the
bouncing bencher...helps prevent rib crackage. The air bag inflates
automatically when it detects terminal velocity on the bar.
3. The
Sweat Alarm
Most useful in
a commercial gym, simply attach one of these to each machine. When
the electrodes detect sweat left on a machine after a person is done
and that person starts to walk away, a loud alarm goes off and
pepper sprays them.
4.
Self-Cleaning Spit Mirror
This mirror is
most useful in front of the squat rack. When a set is done, sensors
determine the amount of spit that has appeared on the mirror then
sends a squirt of cleaner and a squeegee down the surface.
5. Lister-prot-ine
A combination
of Listerine mouth wash and protein powder, this supplement leaves
your mouthy minty fresh instead of tasting like nasty rotten milk.
Your friends and loved ones will thank you for it!
6. The
Smart-A** Weight Belt For The Dumb-A** Trainer With Optional Shock
Attachment
Simply put on
this belt and sensors with pre-recorded messages tell you in no
uncertain terms when you're doing something stupid that you're going
to hurt yourself with. The optional shock attachment works like the
invisible fence shock collar you put on a dog to keep in in the
yard. When you break form, the belt tells you what it thinks of you
then sends a sharp shock up your spine. You'll never round your back
over when doing squats again!
7. The
Timer-Spray Fountain With Backwash Detector
Tired of
people taking way too long at the water fountain when there's a
line? Tired of people backwashing into it? Fix that with the
Timer-Spray Fountain with Backwash Detector. If a person takes too
long or if the fountain detects backwash, a spray of water shoots
out at the person to make it look like they wet their pants. Curbs
annoying behavior very rapidly!
8. The Over
Fragranced/B.O. Biohazard Shower
This machine
operates much like a metal detector/electronic sniffer. As people
leave the change room, the machine determines whether they're
wearing too much cologne or perfume, if they've got rampant B.O. (or
Beyond B.O.), or some eye-watering combination of both. Powerful
jets of water immediately rinse the excess aroma away.
9. Barbell
Curl Rack
This unique
rack gives the barbell curlers an option instead of hogging the
squat rack. Because it's just too hard to pick up that dang heavy
bar all the way from the floor...
10. Ego
Alert Siren
This clip-on
attachment for barbells (most useful in the bench press)
automatically detects the speed of the bar on the way down. If the
downward velocity exceeds a certain pre-set limit, the Ego Alert
automatically goes off, alerting everyone in the immediate 10 square
mile radius that you're trying to use more weight than you should
be. Also available: optional laugh track to discourage further
Alerts.
11. Chicken
Leg Filler Pants
Designed for
those sporting the always trendy "riding-a-chicken" look,
these pants for the "upper-body-only" trainer are stuffed
with high-density foam padding to make your legs look proportioned
to the rest of your body. Great for fending off attack dogs, too.
12. GPS
Workout Enforcer
This gadget
utilizes Global Positioning satellites and beacons attached to the
equipment in your gym to track your location in the gym and remind
you when you've been neglecting certain tiny, little nuisance
bodyparts such as your entire lower body.
---
If you do
happen to take any of the ideas and run with them, you're certainly
welcome to share the proceeds
About The Author
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Nick
Nilsson is Vice-President of the online personal training
company BetterU,
Inc. He has a Bachelor's degree in Physical
Education and Psychology with emphasis on biomechanics,
physiology and kinesiology. He has been inventing new
training techniques for more than 16 years.
Nick
is a personal trainer and the author of a number of
bodybuilding eBooks including "Metabolic Surge - Rapid
Fat Loss," "The Best Exercises You've Never Heard
Of," "Gluteus to the Maximus - Build a Bigger Butt
NOW!" and "The Best Abdominal Exercises You've
Never Heard Of" all available at: www.Fitness-eBooks.com
He can be contacted at betteru@fitstep.com |
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