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You
have never seen exercise techniques this bad...
This
is a story about a workout that I witnessed somebody perform
about 10 years ago in a university gym in Canada. It's a
true story (just ask the ambulance driver!).
Now,
if you've spent any time in a gym, you've probably seen
people using exercise form that is less than perfect. What I
was about to watch, however, was the most atrocious exercise
technique I've ever seen in all my years of training.
Let's
begin... |
It was about 1
in the afternoon and I was just starting into my workout when I
noticed "Dave" (not his real name) lay down on the bench
adjacent to the one I was on. Like me, he was doing flat barbell
bench press that day.
He was fairly
short, medium build, wearing a tank top to show off what he plainly
thought was a magnificent physique. It wasn't, let me tell you that
right now.
"Dave"
proceeded, without an ounce of warm-up, to load 225 pounds on the
bar. He convinced some poor sap to spot for him then took the weight
off the rack. It dropped straight down onto his chest like a stone.
His spotter freaked out and pulled desperately to get the bar off
his chest while "Dave" struggled and kicked to get the
weight up. It was a titanic struggle. He looked like a fish out of
water with a tomato stuck on his head. That's how red in the face he
was.
Finally, they
got the weight up and his spotter attempted to put the bar back on
the rack.
"Dave"
said "What are you doing? I've got 5 more reps!"
I almost
choked. This was going to be an interesting workout...
"Dave"
finished off by struggling out 2 more reps, then did 2 more sets
just like that (with a new spotter each time, of course - nobody in
their right mind would go through that twice!). "Dave"
must have learned his lesson though, because instead of letting the
bar drop and stop like on his first set, this time he actually
bounced the thing off his rib cage like a trampoline, arching his
back like he was being electrocuted.
It was time
for squats. Now, I wasn't supposed to do legs that day but I just
had to see this spectacle so I did legs anyway, just to be in the
area.
"Dave"
put 315 pounds on the bar right away. I watched him wrap his knees
and cinch his lifting belt so tight he looked like a toothpaste tube
that had been squeezed in the middle.
He recruited
another sucker... I mean spotter, for his first set. He stepped
under the bar, unracked it, stepped back and started to lower it.
It was like
putting a bowling ball on a celery stick. His legs were shaking like
Elvis on 10 cups of coffee. His back was so rounded over, you could
have set a dinner plate between his shoulder plates without dropping
a potato. He lowered the bar exactly three inches then held his
breath and began to try and come back up. No luck. His spotter
stepped in, helped him back up and tried to guide him to the racks.
No dice. He immediately dropped back down again. Two inches this
time. I swear his knees didn't shake this time simply because they
bowed in so much, they were braced up against each other!
He made his
spotter do one more rep after that one, dropping only an inch on the
last rep. Two more sets just like that followed.
By this time I
had pretty much scrapped my workout for the day, completely out of
morbid curiosity. I told the weight room attendant to dial
"9" and "1" and keep their finger on the
"1." His workout wasn't over yet!
"Dave"
unloaded the bar then set up in the same rack for barbell curls. He
put a pair of 35's on the bar, which he had no business even doing
for the "squats" he had just finished with, much less for
barbell curls.
Luckily, he
hadn't yet uncinched his lifting belt from the previous exercise,
thereby saving precious seconds of time and, also, evidently cutting
off the flow of blood to his brain.
He stepped up
to the bar, took as wide a grip as I've ever seen anyone take on a
bar, then lifted it to the start position. He took a deep breath and
held it. Then, with totally straight and locked legs, he thrust his
rear end backwards then forcefully thrust his hips forward,
catapulting the bar up and off his thighs. He looked like he was
trying to ring a doorbell with his hip bone.
The bar made
it about halfway up before he locked his elbows and leaned back
about 45 degrees to keep it moving.
Finally, the
weight made it to the top. He held it there for a microsecond then
dropped it heavily to his thighs.
Then he did it
again. And again. And again.
The only good
thing I can say about it is at least he had the decency not to
subject a spotter to it this time.
I sat there
wondering what he could possibly come up with for a finale and I was
not disappointed.
He walked, or
rather, strutted over to the pec deck and set the pin to the bottom
of the weight stack.
I motioned at
a few nearby people to watch this as I felt something special was
coming.
He sat on the
machine, arms covered in sweat. He wrestled one arm pad up to the
center position. Impressive. He turned and, with Herculanean effort,
wrestled the other one to the center position. Veins starting
popping out and his face was beet red.
I had a
feeling this was it.
I was right.
With the
loudest bang I've ever heard, both his arms slipped off the pads,
the weight came crashing down, and "Dave" was shot 6 feet
straight out of the machine across the floor, skidding on his face
right at somebody's feet.
Now, as an
adult, I have never wet my pants, but I have to tell you, that
moment was the closest I've ever come. That's how hard I was
laughing.
I didn't see
"Dave" back in that gym ever again.
The moral of
the story? Big weights only look cool if you can lift them without
getting shot 6 feet across the floor on your face.
More
Bad Workout
About The Author
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Nick
Nilsson is Vice-President of the online personal training
company BetterU,
Inc. He has a Bachelor's degree in Physical
Education and Psychology with emphasis on biomechanics,
physiology and kinesiology. He has been inventing new
training techniques for more than 16 years.
Nick
is a personal trainer and the author of a number of
bodybuilding eBooks including "Metabolic Surge - Rapid
Fat Loss," "The Best Exercises You've Never Heard
Of," "Gluteus to the Maximus - Build a Bigger Butt
NOW!" and "The Best Abdominal Exercises You've
Never Heard Of" all available at: www.Fitness-eBooks.com
He can be contacted at betteru@fitstep.com |
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